Lost in Poker

A guy returns home from a poker game. His wife is waiting for him with the sweep in front of the door.

“Where have you been before, bastard ?”

“Dear, you have to pack your luggage quickly. I lost you in poker !”

‘How did you do that, fool ?”

“Honestly, it wasn’t easy at all. I throw the cards, even though I had a Royal Flash…”


The Cannibals

Two explorers were captured by cannibals in the jungle. They put them in a cauldron and then started to play the drums.

“Do you play drums because you are glad you are gonna eat us?” one of the explorers asks.

“No, but we noticed that we no longer have water for the soup.”

“Do you play drums to bring the rain?”

“No way! We call the plumber…”



The Creation of the World – Trump’s Vision

1. On the first day, God created the sky and the Earth. For the administrative reasons, he created the whole Earth in one place to be able to master it better and depends on only the Republicans, which He knew better.

The land was empty and not leased. It was full of weeds because people were at the bar and did not work. God told people that it could not be so, that it was a sin, but people explained why they could not work: there was no light day and night. Then God said: “Let there be light !”

“But not too much !” people who already went to bed said.

2. On the second day, God created the sky; so that He could fly the helicopter when the road was crowded.

3. On the third day, God separated the land from the waters and suddenly He could sail the yacht.

4. On the fourth day, God created the lights: the Sun, the stars and the light on Trump Tower.

5. On the fifth day, God wanted to go fishing, but the waters had so much fish in them as a Whisky bottle. Then he created fish and some birds, so the fishermen can look at something until a fish is caught.

6. On the sixth day, God wanted to make his pig farm in the Trump Tower, but the rooms were empty and the butchers were blowing with the knives because they had nothing to stab. So God created the animals of the Earth and at the end of the day even the man because it was hard for the pigs to stab themselves.

7. On the seventh day, God rested, which was an easy thing to do when the FBI did not follow him…

SOURCE: Catavencii  – adapted

How to Serve the Godfather

A guy returns home and finds his wife in bed with their godfather.

“How could you do that, bitch?”

“Listen here! Did you buy meat ?”


“Did you buy drinks?”


“Did you buy coffee?”


“And then what would you want me to serve the godfather?”


The Monkeys at the Church

A chimpanzee and a baboon have seated next to each other during a service in a church.

The pastor said: “Turn to your neighbors and say they are beautiful and adorably created by God !”.

The chimpanzee looks at the baboon for a moment, then laughs out loud and tells the pastor: “Tell him yourself, I don’t want to lie in church !”.

A Good Reason to Run Away from the Police

A guy was driving his car at high speed on the highway. At one point he sees a police car following him. He thinks: “I have a good car, so I can disappear”.

He accelerates and a crazy race begins.

When the speedometer reaches the maximum, seeing he cannot get rid of the police, he stops the car on the side of the road.

The policeman approaches the guy’s car and says:

“Listen to me, Speedy Gonzales ! Show a good excuse for me not to arrest you.”

The guy thinks for a moment and then responds:

“Three weeks ago my wife left me for a policeman. When I saw you behind me, I thought you wanted to bring her back to me !”

DAILY JOKE – We Hire and Pay Well

  • Job Market:  Porn movie studio employs impotent for the role of the negative hero.
  • At an interview:

“And now if you have any questions about our company…”

“Well… I would like to know how many people work here ?”

“Usually about a quarter…”

  • At another interview:

“Are you married ?”


“We are sorry, but we need people who are used to be subordinate…”

  • Two businessmen are at a bar and talking about theirs.

“How are you doing ?”

“Worst of all !… And you ?”

“Very difficult !… The situation is terrible…”

“Do you pay the wages to the laborers in due time ?”

“No… for two months. But you still pay them ?”

“No way !… since February. But do your workers come to work ?”

“They come to the factory every morning and work. But what about yours ?”

“They also come.”

“Do you know something ? I have an idea… What if we charge them at the entrance ?”