The teacher gives his students something to write. Dicky refuses.
“The only excuse for not writing is fr you to have a serious illness,” the teacher tells Dicky.
“What about sexual exhaustion?”
The teacher looks at Dicky for a few moments, then tells him:
“That’s no excuse, you can use the other hand!”
At the FBI is organized a briefing about hijacked planes. In the break the agents are talking:
“This is impossible!” one of them said. “You can’t make a plane disappear. You can’t take it with you. It doesn’t fit in the pocket, you just saw how big it is! And you can’t put it in the bag…”
“You are so stupid!” another said. “A plane can’t be hijacked as long as it’s on the ground.”
“And then where?” the first said.
“Well, just in the air. You just saw how small it’s up there…”
A guy returns home from a poker game. His wife is waiting for him with the sweep in front of the door.
“Where have you been before, bastard ?”
“Dear, you have to pack your luggage quickly. I lost you in poker !”
‘How did you do that, fool ?”
“Honestly, it wasn’t easy at all. I throw the cards, even though I had a Royal Flash…”
Two explorers were captured by cannibals in the jungle. They put them in a cauldron and then started to play the drums.
“Do you play drums because you are glad you are gonna eat us?” one of the explorers asks.
“No, but we noticed that we no longer have water for the soup.”
“Do you play drums to bring the rain?”
“No way! We call the plumber…”
A guy returns home and finds his wife in bed with their godfather.
“How could you do that, bitch?”
“Listen here! Did you buy meat ?”
“Did you buy drinks?”
“Did you buy coffee?”
“And then what would you want me to serve the godfather?”
A chimpanzee and a baboon have seated next to each other during a service in a church.
The pastor said: “Turn to your neighbors and say they are beautiful and adorably created by God !”.
The chimpanzee looks at the baboon for a moment, then laughs out loud and tells the pastor: “Tell him yourself, I don’t want to lie in church !”.
A guy was driving his car at high speed on the highway. At one point he sees a police car following him. He thinks: “I have a good car, so I can disappear”.
He accelerates and a crazy race begins.
When the speedometer reaches the maximum, seeing he cannot get rid of the police, he stops the car on the side of the road.
The policeman approaches the guy’s car and says:
“Listen to me, Speedy Gonzales ! Show a good excuse for me not to arrest you.”
The guy thinks for a moment and then responds:
“Three weeks ago my wife left me for a policeman. When I saw you behind me, I thought you wanted to bring her back to me !”
- Job Market: Porn movie studio employs impotent for the role of the negative hero.
- At an interview:
“And now if you have any questions about our company…”
“Well… I would like to know how many people work here ?”
“Usually about a quarter…”
“Are you married ?”
“We are sorry, but we need people who are used to be subordinate…”
- Two businessmen are at a bar and talking about theirs.
“How are you doing ?”
“Worst of all !… And you ?”
“Very difficult !… The situation is terrible…”
“Do you pay the wages to the laborers in due time ?”
“No… for two months. But you still pay them ?”
“No way !… since February. But do your workers come to work ?”
“They come to the factory every morning and work. But what about yours ?”
“They also come.”
“Do you know something ? I have an idea… What if we charge them at the entrance ?”
The teacher’s chair broke and she fell with her legs up.
“George, what did you see ?”
“I saw your ankle…”
“You are suspended for a week !”
“Jonny, what did you see ?”
“I saw your hips…”
“Get out ! A month of suspension !”
“Dicky, what did you see ?”
Dicky gets up from the desk, takes his briefcase and walks to the door, saying:
“Good luck, guys ! We’ll meet next year !”
A newspaper seller is shouting on the street:
“Big scam ! Big scam ! Twelve victims !”
A guy buys a newspaper and reads it carefully. Then says:
“Well, boy, but nothing is written about a scam !”
The newspaper seller continues to shout:
“Big scam ! Big scam ! Thirteen victims !”