Lost in Poker

A guy returns home from a poker game. His wife is waiting for him with the sweep in front of the door.

“Where have you been before, bastard ?”

“Dear, you have to pack your luggage quickly. I lost you in poker !”

‘How did you do that, fool ?”

“Honestly, it wasn’t easy at all. I throw the cards, even though I had a Royal Flash…”

How to Serve the Godfather

A guy returns home and finds his wife in bed with their godfather.

“How could you do that, bitch?”

“Listen here! Did you buy meat ?”

“No.”

“Did you buy drinks?”

“No.”

“Did you buy coffee?”

“No.”

“And then what would you want me to serve the godfather?”

 

A Good Reason to Run Away from the Police

A guy was driving his car at high speed on the highway. At one point he sees a police car following him. He thinks: “I have a good car, so I can disappear”.

He accelerates and a crazy race begins.

When the speedometer reaches the maximum, seeing he cannot get rid of the police, he stops the car on the side of the road.

The policeman approaches the guy’s car and says:

“Listen to me, Speedy Gonzales ! Show a good excuse for me not to arrest you.”

The guy thinks for a moment and then responds:

“Three weeks ago my wife left me for a policeman. When I saw you behind me, I thought you wanted to bring her back to me !”

Lethal Combination

“I’m not sure if alcohol kills, but if you combine it with tobacco and woman then it definitely kills.”

“How do you know ?”

“Do you know George ?”

“Yes. Why ?”

“Last night I was with him and two women in a bar. While we were at eight beer and third pack of cigarettes, his wife came in and shot him !”

 

A SPECIAL THING

On her birthday I took my wife to a restaurant. We had caviar, salmon, lobster and drank French champagne, without me having to worry about money.

After a few glasses of champagne, my wife smiled seductively and said:

“When we get home I’ll do the special thing for you that you love so much…”

“Damn it ! Fried potatoes again ?”